its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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