Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
