Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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