I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
