Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
love makes seman taste better
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
