Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
