Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
