Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
