I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
did i walk over a car last night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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