my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
