omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
