you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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