um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
