Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
