he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
