NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My pussy is not your playground.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
