you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
