Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
