I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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