ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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