CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
