OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
