She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
