found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
