I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
false alarm, still single
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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