We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
