dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize