I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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