I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
