Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

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  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (3039) Bad night (761)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.

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  (401): I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls. http://tfl.nu/rm2y
  Replies (35) Good night (3444) Bad night (986)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

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  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (29) Good night (22229) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

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  (320): That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying. http://tfl.nu/lgsw
  Replies (30) Good night (4090) Bad night (1072)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???

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  (702): If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy??? http://tfl.nu/4rkp
  Replies (30) Good night (784) Bad night (4931)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (43) Good night (3280) Bad night (6805)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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  (757): And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate." http://tfl.nu/e62b
  Replies (11) Good night (7133) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

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  (480): From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him. http://tfl.nu/9mdh
  Replies (23) Good night (6035) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.

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  (812): Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand. http://tfl.nu/f9hd
  Replies (9) Good night (716) Bad night (3430)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover

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  (478): You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover http://tfl.nu/1qw9
  Replies (1) Good night (756) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine

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  (917): I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine http://tfl.nu/wwy9
  Replies (13) Good night (644) Bad night (1817)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

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  (614): Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on. http://tfl.nu/zmme
  Replies (17) Good night (3660) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'

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  (401): My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.' http://tfl.nu/jt97
  Replies (11) Good night (2085) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.

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  (601): If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass. http://tfl.nu/tjid
  Replies (6) Good night (537) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night

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  (860): I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night http://tfl.nu/320l
  Replies (2) Good night (325) Bad night (689)

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