Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.