Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!