no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual