Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize