dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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