i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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