i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
