Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
