I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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