She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
