how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
