she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
