I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize