ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
