i used baking grease as lip gloss
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
