I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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