and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
