I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
