It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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