mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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