woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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