I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
