All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't deserve a penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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