I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im six kinds of drunk right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
