It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
