just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
