God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
