Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
