May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
