I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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