She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't turn off my feet"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
