I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
