im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
