Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
smell my finger.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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