When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you win again, gameday.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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