I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
