He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
