Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
