she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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