No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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