Im at strip club and am horny
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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