I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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