Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
